


Beautifully Unfinished

by Elenduen



Category: The Musketeers (2014), d'Artagnan Romances (Three Musketeers Series) - All Media Types
Genre: Explicit Sex, M/M, Rape Recovery, Self Harm, Smut, Tags to be added with each fic, rape/non con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:20:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9898943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenduen/pseuds/Elenduen
Summary: A collection of Missing, Deleted, and Alternate Scenes from my varies fics that I hope to have prompted from my readers.The title is from Ella Henderson's song and was suggested by DebbieFChapter ThreePart One Alternate direction for Hands off my Gascon for DebbieF In which Athos does not arrive in time for Athos to prevent Marsac from raping d'Artagnan, and it's aftermath.





	1. Chapter 1

Athos had dreamed of this moment for weeks, of having d'Artagnan in his arms and in his bed, but somehow those images his mind his fantasized about fell entirely short of the reality he now enjoyed as he lay back on his bed with d'Artagnan half on top of him the two of them kissing lazily enough that it belied the eagerness they both felt. Though perhaps they were taking their time enjoying the kisses and caresses as they both still felt some trepidation over the enormity of what they were about to do.

Once they took this step there would be no turning back, they would be lovers for better or for worse, they could not go back to being friends alone after this.

Panting slightly as they broke their lengthy kiss Athos smiled up at d'Artagnan and cupped the back of his head running his fingers through his silky black hair  
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked his voice horse with both lust and nervousness

"I am" d'Artagnan replied he turned his head to kiss Athos's exposed wrist sending a wonder shudder through Athos's arm "I want you to sink inside me, to bury yourself and possess me utterly and completely!".

Athos would never admit to having given a whimper!, it would hardly suit his image!, but he couldn't help but to feel both shaken and moved by d'Artagnan's words!  
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked stroking d'Artagnan's cheek "After everything you've been through, what I put you through"

"What Dupis put me through" d'Artagnan corrected taking Athos's hand and bringing the fingers to his lips to nibble upon them 

"Not all of it" Athos said 

"Athos it's in the past" d'Artagnan said kissing Athos's finger tips "Let us leave it there to be forgotten while we look to the future and enjoy..." he stroked his free hand down to Athos's crotch and gently squeezed his errection that was tenting his breeches! "Enjoy the present"

"Hmm sounds good to me" Athos whispered groaning as d'Artagnan stroked his rigid flesh through his breeches "Ahhhh stop!" he panted breathlessly "Stop or I'll be spent too soon!"

"No you won't!" d'Artagnan chuckled leaned forward and kissed Athos's lips "I'm just making sure you're good and ready for me!", grinning wickedly he undid the laces on Athos's breeches and tugged them off the older man who whipped off his shirt just as fast and tugged at d'Artagnan's encouraging him to do the same only to pause his face creasing in empathy and guilt at the sight of the lash scars on d'Artagnan's back 

"Do they hurt still?" he asked tracing them with his finger tips hating the purple/white lines all the more for the fact they ahd been delivered unjustly 

"No, I feel a pull when I stretch but theres no pain" d'Artagnan assured him slipping out of his breeches and turned cupping Athos's face and bent to deliver another kiss "Put aside this guilt so we may focus on our love" he instructed 

"You must allow me to feel some guilt" Athos breathed returning the kiss "It will serve to remind me to never take you for granted again and to remember how very close I came to loosing you"

d'Artagnan swallowed past a lump that rose in his throat "Athos...."

"I mean it" Athos said "You are the best thing that ever happened to me, I will never forget that again" he reached up and stroked d'Artagnan's cheek "And now I want to consumate our union so to speak and make you mine as you said you desire".

 

Grinning d'Artagnan crawled up the bed and lay down on his stomach throwing Athos a cheeky grin over his shoulder his eyes sparkling as he watched Athos take up oil and coat his cock swiftly but thickly  
"This may feel rather....odd, but try not to tense up and for God sake tell me if you feel any tearing"

"I promise" d'Artagnan assured him wriggling to get himself completely comfortable and breathed out to relax every muscle. As Athos parted his cheeks and stroked an oiled finger over the enterence to his body however he couldn't help but to tense a little and bit his lip as the finger slipped inside.

Athos moved his finger very carefully and slowly letting d'Artagnan become comfortable before adding another and finally a third which had been tensing and humming with some pain at the stretch but a few moments of stillness he relaxed once more allowing Athos to prepare him completely to take his cock  
"Ready?" he asked getting into position 

"And more than willing!" d'Artagnan replied throwing him an impish grin 

"You are going to be the death of me!" Athos chuckled "Or at least the death of my virtue!"

"I thought it was mine that was going to be laid seige to!" 

"Oh it is!" Athos assured him leaning forward and kissed the back of d'Artagnan's neck "Brace yourself and stay relaxed" he whispered nudging his cock between d'Artagnan's cheeks and slowly sank into his well lubricated flesh taking care not to rush or to cause him any harm.

For several long moments Athos didn't move, simply let d'Artagnan become accostomed and relax once more before he began a slow and shallow pace that gradually grew stronger and deeper as d'Artagnan began panting and squirming under him lifting himself up onto his knees to gain better movement as Athos thrust into him  
"Feel so increadible Athos!" d'Artagnan panted balencing himself on his forearm to reach under himself to grab his straining leaking cock which he began to rub until Athos moved his hand away to do it for him 

"You're not to come until I'm ready for you to" he said grinning as d'Artagnan moaned "Patience is a virtue!" he teased sinking deep 

"You be patient when you've got a cock against your prostate!" d'Artagnan gritted out gasping "God I need to come!" he whinned and squirmed in desperation "My balls are gonna burst!"

"Oh I don't think so!" Athos chuckled "Though they certainly feel very firm!"

"Athos!"

"Just a little more" Athos breathed measured his thrusts bringing himself to the brink until he was right on the cusp then he thrust against d'Artagnan's prostate spilling hard and allowed his young lover the same bliss so they could share the moment together as one

"I love you Athos" d'Artagnan whispered as the older Musketeer moved to lay down besides him and drew the bed covers up over them 

"As I do you" Athos replied wrapping his arms about d'Artagnan's narrower frame "You're mine now and no one and nothing will ever come between us again".


	2. Chapter 2

Considering the fact he was at present practically immobile both with the fact he couldn't walk and because he was simply too weak to push himself in a wheelchair d'Artagnan could not be considered a flight risk.

With this in consideration and the fact that he was innocent of manslaughter d'Artagnan was granted bail swiftly so he didn't have to return to prison.

That was the one bright side of all this.

He knew he should be feeling elated that he was free, that he was going to get his life back, that he'd never see the inside of the Bastille again, but right now d'Artagnan felt so lousy he couldn't feel anything but depressed.

The removal of his spleen was already displaying complications, he was anaemic to the point of need daily iron injections that were leaving painful bruises on his arms, his abdomen constantly ached as the muscles slowly (Far too slowly for his liking) healed from the surgery that had saved his life. His immune system had been comprimised leaving him suffering from a nagging cold that he couldn't seem to shift, antibiotics had kept the threat of a chest infection at bay but he was dealing a blocked or running nose, sore throat, and watering eyes all the time which made him feel all the more lousy.  
But what was really bothering him besides this was the fact that at present he was dependant on others.

The Doctors had assured him that he had a good chance of walking again, seventy five to eighty percent chance in fact of making a full recovery. But there was still that twenty to twenty five percent chance that he would not recover that he would spend the rest of his life dependant on a chair to get about.

He'd never thought of himself as a judgemental person, he'd never thought less of someone because they had a disability had never treated anyone who was disabled in some way with anything but the up most respect. But now that he was facing the possibility of being that way himself he couldn't help but see it as the end of the world, as an end of his life.

The logical part of his brain, his intelligence knew this was not the case, that even if the worst did happen and he wasn't able to regain the use of his legs then there was no reason why he couldn't have a full and happy life. It would take time and effort but he could adapt, learn to get about in a chair, get an adapted car, join a support group, even a basket ball team if he so wished. 

But while the wise part of him knew this the other half, the frightened half seemed to be the one in power at present keeping him in a permanent state of anxiety which wasn't helping his healing at all.

He could be thankful that while he was having to either to helped to the toilet by nurses he did have control of his bladder and bowel, he doubted he could have easily born the humiliation of the alternative. Still it wasn't easy to have to ask for help to do something so menial that before he'd been hurt he wouldn't have even thought about it.

His physio was also grueling, his therapist was pushing him hard, of course it was his job to do so d'Artagnan knew that, if he was to walk again then he was going to have to work hard, but it didn't make it easy to bear his daily torture which was how he was feeling about the Physio!.

 

"I just don't seem to be getting anywhere either" he complained to Athos on his daily visit to the hospital, "I do everything the physio tells me but theres been no change at all!"

"Well it's only been a couple of weeks, it's bound to take time" Athos soothed taking d'Artagnan's hand and squeezing it gently "You'll get there, I know you will"

d'Artagnan worried his lips and looked down at his numb legs "What if I don't?" he whispered "What if...........what if I don't recover?" he asked looking up at Athos his fear shining in his eyes "What if I am left unable to walk for the rest of my life?"

"No!" Athos stated firmly he moved forward and cupped d'Artagnan's face "That won't happen, you will recover d'Artagnan you will walk again you have to believe that!"

"But what if I don't?" d'Artagnan persisted taking hold of Athos's wrists "I know that the Doctors say I should, and that you believe I will but what if it doesn't happen?, I have to consider that, and........" he took a deep breath to steady himself bracing himself for the fear of rejection "And you need to consider this too" he said looking at Athos willing him to think about this and not just bury his head in blissful ignorance.

 

Athos sighed deeply and retook his seat his hands slipping from d'Artagnan's face to link with the younger mans hands once again.   
"Alright" he said "If you don't recover, not that I believe that you won't, but if worst comes to worst then we'll deal with it, together"

"Together?" d'Artagnan repeated "You mean that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Athos asked running his thumbs over the back of d'Artagnan's hands, "You have made me happier than thought possible, brought me back to life when Anne left on the brink of death!, why would I ever want to be anywhere but at your side?"

d'Artagnan sniffed a painful lump forming in his throat "I....You could be with something who's fully able bodied someone who won't be dependant" he whispered 

"You won't be dependant, even if you don't walk again you won't be dependant" Athos said "Alright maybe at first while you're adapting but you are far too independant and strong willed to stay that way for long, you will find your way I know you will", leaving his seat again Athos perched on the bed and stroked his cheek "I know you're scared, anyone in this situation would be, but you need to have hope, to believe in yourself and your own strength".

 

Were he not so anaemic then d'Artagnan would have blushed since Athos's steadfast belief in him was so humbling.   
"You know what I think will help you?" Athos said with a smile "Getting out of here, being in a hospital all day is depressing"

"Yeah" d'Artagnan agreed looking about the room he'd been living in for the past few weeks "But theres nothing we can do about it"

"Ah, thats not exactly true" Athos said grinning brightly "I've been having some work done on my Chateau, making it wheelchair friendly, there about a weeks more work that needs doing but then you can move in with me and just come here for the Physio"

"What!?"

d'Artagnan gaped at him in shock "You want me to move in with you?"

"If its what you want too" Athos said suddenly realizing that he was being rather presumptuous, however he needn't have worried as d'Artagnan threw his arms about him kissing him feircely

"Of course I want to!" he laughed "I can't wait to be with you!"

"One week!" Athos chuckled kissing him back "One week and you'll be free of this room, think you can manage that?"

"I'm counting the days!".

 

One month later

 

d'Artagnan's mood improved considerably to be able to be out of the hospital, Athos drove him there everyday for his physio and collected him again in the evening once he was done for the day.

While he was not much of a cook himself he perused the resurants and bistros of Paris to have the most nutricious cuisine brought in for d'Artagnan to try and help rebuild his strength since the loss of his spleen. 

The cold had finally cleared up only to be replaced by a stomach upset that cost d'Artagnan a week of physio and ten pounds of body weight before it finally cleared, and then a case of tonsilitus showed up leaving d'Artagnan sore and robbed of his voice for a time which a teasing Athos said made things very quiet!.

The well prepared and expertly cooked food certainly helped d'Artagnan feel better, hospital food and prison food was much the same ergo inedible so he thoroughly enjoyed the fare that Athos brought in especially the handmade dark chocolate ice cream from Athos's favorite Italian resturant which he promised to take d'Artagnan to at some point.   
With going to Physio everyday d'Artagnan was feeling too tired to go out at night at present so dinner dates would have to wait till later.

The real reason d'Artagnan felt better though was the fact that he had regained feeling in his toes at last, he couldn't move them yet beyond the odd twitch but he had sensation in them which the Doctors agreed was an excelent sign of his recovery, his nerves were reparing themselves and given time the movement would come back.

To help speed up his recovery Athos took it upon himself to hire a nurse and a physio to work with d'Artagnan alone without having to care for other patients.

While d'Artagnan said he didn't need this he was very grateful and got along well with the Nurse Jayne Whitmore and the Physio Antoine Descoteaux.

Antoine had worked with many people who'd suffered spinal injuries and while not all had been able to walk again he'd helped good many of them do so, determination and dedication was what he said helped most of all, and if d'Artagnan was willing to give a hundred and ten percent then so was he.

His no nonsense but fair attitude worked well with d'Artagnan and after several weeks of dedicated work he was able to stand and take unsteady steps on bars or with the support of crutches.

"Not quite up for a marathon but I'm getting there!" he said as he showed Athos his progress making slow and very shaky steps as he walked the five foot length of the support bars panting and sweating as he did so 

"He's managed to shave twenty seconds of yesterdays time too" Antoine said to Athos as he walked beside d'Artagnan ready to catch him if he fell "And thats over two minutes since five days ago!"

"Two minutes improvement in just five days?" Athos asked "Thats incredible!"

"I'll be three minutes faster by this time next week!" d'Artagnan declared sinking down into his chair at the end of the beams "I bet you an extra cheesey pizza!" 

"Extra cheese?" Athos asked with a risen eyebrow "Thats a serious bet?, are you sure you're up for it?"

"Very sure!".

 

d'Artagnan actually underestimated himself he was able to shave three minutes and twenty seconds off his time and manage a very slow walk about the gym on his crutches by the following week earning him the pizza and tiramisu from the Italian resturant. 

The only down side of his recovery were the leg cramps he was getting at night, his muscles going into spasem and the nerves that were healing making him feel painful pins and needles for hours.

"Does Antoine know when this will pass?" Athos asked as he gently massaged d'Artagnan's left thigh "Or Jayne?"

"No, it'll clear up when it clears up" d'Artagnan said shrugging and wiggling his toes to try and help the pins and needles "They say it's a good sign, the nerves are healing well to be doing this so uncomfortable as it is I'm happy that it's happening"

"So am I" Athos said moving down d'Artagnan's leg "I just wish it wasn't so painful for you"

"Isn't there some saying that a bit of pain is good for the soul or something?" d'Artagnan mused 

"Buggered if I know I haven't set foot in Church in half a decade!" 

"I'll have to ask Aramis then!" d'Artagnan chuckled "He'll probably know", he sighed as Athos managed to rub the worst of the cramps out of his left leg "Thank you"

"You're more than welcome" Athos assured him moving onto his right leg "So long as you're comfortable I'm happy to help, though I do draw the line at wiping your arse!", he laughed as d'Artagnan swiped at him

"Thank God I've been able to do that for myself!, especially when I had that bout of Gastro-flu!"

"Indeed" Athos's nose wrinkled in recollection of the less than pleasent time "Hopefully your immune system will improve in time"

"I won't hold my breath on that" d'Artagnan said "People who have spleenectomys frequently suffer such problems"

"Well" Athos said leaning forward to plant a kiss on his lips "We can but hope".

 

It took six long months but d'Artagnan managed to get out of the wheel chair almost full time, he still needed to support of crutches to help his balence more than anything else, and he was regaining his stamina more and more each day. 

In fact he was doing so well that he and Athos finally went out to the Italian Resturant for Dinner.

Since he had ordered from them so much and had eaten there many times Athos was well known in the resturant which helped them get the best table as soon as he and d'Artagnan came in and as they were celebrating d'Artagnan's recovery they were given the meal for half price which considering it was a very enjoyable three course along with coffee and ameretti biscuits at the end was a very generous offer from the owners of the resturant.

"I'd love to go to Italy one day" d'Artagnan mused as he sipped his coffee and nibbled the sweet crumbly biscuit "See Rome, all that beauty"

"Maybe we'll go together" Athos said thinking of a certain velvet box in a certain draw and a certain question that he would be asking at some point "But while I can't take you for a walk over the Saint Angelo, d'you feel up to a walk to the Eiffle Tower?"

"I think I can manage it" d'Artagnan said smiling indulgently and allowed Athos to help slip his coat on and secure his crutches to take the walk even giving Athos one of the crutchs to carry and linked his arm through Athos's leaning onto him to enjoy the sight of the tower light up at night creating a beautiful view 

"Thank you for helping me through all this" he said to Athos "I couldn't have got through this without you"

"I knew you could do it" Athos said kissing his temple and holding him closer "I never believed otherwise"

"Hmm smartarse!"

"Cheeky!" Athos chuckled "Carry on and you'll have a sore arse from a spanking when we get home!"

"Oohh I so hope thats a promise!".


	3. Chapter 3

The lie fell from his lips without him even thinking about it, he just said the words in reply to Athos's question, lied without really intending to. But now several minutes later standing alone before the wash basin looking into an age stained and cracked mirror he knew that he could never recant, could never tell Athos the truth, could not ever let anyone know that Marsac had raped him.

The horror and shame of the assult drove d'Artagnan to sickness, had him vomiting up everything inside his stomach, the bruising on his skin, the soreness between his legs, the blood on his brais.......they all served as horrific reminder that this was not just a nightmare but a reality, a reality that must never be known.

d'Artagnan could never tell anyone of this shame, and it was a shame, Men weren't raped only Women were Men could fight, could save themselves, Men did not get forced down and ravaged!, hadn't Marsac said as much as he'd driven his cock inside him?

"If you didn't want this you would have fought me off!, you want this you slut!, you wanted my cock inside you fucking you!"

d'Artagnan shuddered curling his fingers into his palms and biting his lip to keep from crying out, while he longed for comfort he knew he couldn't tell anyone, especially not Athos or the others, they would see him as nothing but a catamite, a useless wretch unable to defend himself, a weak and pathetic creature utterly unfit to become a Musketeer.   
If they ever found out they would cast him out, send him back to Gascony in disgrace!, he had to keep this secret, had to pretend that everything was fine, make sure that no one ever knew what had really happened.

 

Somehow, God knows how he managed to get through the rest of that day and the next, managed to help keep the truth from being uncovered by the Duc of Savoy and prevent Marsac from taking revenge against Treville, he even managed to keep a sympathetic expression on his face as Aramis grieved the loss of Marsac who's life he had been forced to take to save Treville.

It felt rather like he was sleep walking through his life, that he was only an observer while his body acted without his input, he heard himself speaking, offering Aramis comfort, consolation, heard himself saying yes and no in the right places when he was asked something, saw himself reaching for wine, for food, but he swallowed them without tasting them, heard laughter gurgle from his throat when Porthos made a joke, felt his face shift to form a smile but did not feel any joy in his heart, in fact it felt far more like a pupeteer had put strings on his lips and stretched them into a smile. 

As he continued on like this, like an observer of his own life he became aware of something else, he felt the presence of others about him as oppressive as a cage, their proximity felt too close, their voices were too loud, their breath hot and stale and far too close to him!.

It all made him want to scream, want to run and hide, want to get away from everyone and everything!.

But all this was nothing compared to what happened when he was touched.

If someone touched him he would react like a scolded cat!, couldn't hide his fear anymore, he immediately recoiled, fled in fact shaking and desperately trying to control his urge to sob, at times like this he felt like he was loosing his mind, felt like he was unable to breath even though he was sucking in vast amounts of air even though it was making his head spin and his chest ache!.

It took him hours to recover from these....attacks or fits or whatever they were, left him feeling exhausted and weak something that was not helped by the fact he wasn't sleeping properly, he hadn't had a good night sleep since the rape, couldn't close his eyes for more than a moment without reliving the rape.

The fact it had happened in his bedroom did not help, everywhere he looked he saw Marsac, smelled him, could have sworn at times that he even felt him!.

Nothing he did seemed to help, he had scrubbed the floor till his fingers had bled, changed the bed sheets and washed them himself, moved the furniture around, done everything he could think of to erase the trace of the attack and nothing seemed to work!.

How he was supposed to go on, keep this hidden, he didn't know, when ever single day seemed to make everything worse, make it harder to keep up this act of normalicy, he just didn't know how longer he could continue, he was exhausted with it all, just wanted it all to end.

 

Athos was no fool, nore was he blind, he knew that there was something wrong with d'Artagnan, very wrong in fact. He had changed so radically after the....well Athos was reffering to it in his mind as the Marsac incident!.

Before then d'Artagnan had been like a force of nature, he was so vibrant and energetic that Athos had often felt exhausted just watching him!, he would never admit it of course!, nore that it was getting harder and harder to keep from d'Artagnan besting him at swords!.

It wasn't just his energy either, it was his bright and joyful personality, always smiling and making things seem less dire. Even on the lawn outside Athos's Chateau as it had burned he had felt so comforted by d'Artagnan's presence, his arms about him holding him close as he had cried and spilled his darkest secrets. 

d'Artagnan hadn't judged him or pitied him as Athos had always feared would be the case if someone learned the truth of his past. He had been sympathetic, understanding, and patient never making Athos speak if he didn't wish to, giving him a wide birth when he made it clear he wished for solitude, and happily joined him when he wanted companionship never chiding him for his drinking or moods or anything.

To say that he had grown fond of d'Artagnan was an understatement, that Athos had to admit to himself, his feelings for the young man were far more intense than that, than friendship.

After Anne he had closed his heart, never wanted to open it again for fear of further pain, but now with d'Artagnan he was learning how to love again, even wanted to love again!, something he had thought would never happen.

Before the Marsac incident he had been trying to figure out how to broach the subject with d'Artagnan, to try and see if he were interested in more than just friendship.

But since then it seemed that d'Artagnan didn't even want to be in the same room as anyone else!, want to have them near him at all!. He no longer smiled, not really, his laughter was too high pitched and sounded false, he didn't take part in conversations, oh he said yes and no when called upon but otherwise he didn't speak, he didn't do anything, he just seemed to haunt the vicinity he was in, his body might be there but his heart and mind were not present.

"Is he sick?" Treville demanded of him having not missed the radical change in their Gascon Pup, he had been the most promising cadet they had in the garrison up until a few weeks ago, now he was struggling to keep up with the others, his frankly alarming weight loss and obvious fatigue had him weakened and sluggish  
"Whats wrong with him?" the Captain asked 

"I don't know" Athos admitted "He was fine until a few weeks ago"

"Then what changed?, what happened a few weeks ago to make him like this?"

Athos grimanced and avoided Treville's eyes, he knew exactly what happened a few weeks ago, Marsac had attacked and tried to rape d'Artagnan!, he'd stumbled in on them found d'Artagnan trying to pull his torn breeches back together and kick Marsac away from him!.

"Well?" Treville barked impatiently 

"I....I'll talk to him Sir" Athos said, he had promised d'Artagnan he would never tell anyone of Marsac's attempted assult on him and respected the boy too much to break that promise 

"He's a young lad Athos" Treville said with a sigh "A young lad a long way from home and no family left in the world save for us" he looked at Athos with empathy in his eyes knowing the feeling of lonelyness and homesickness well, "He needs to know that he has a place here, no matter how long it takes for him to gain his commission, he need to know that we are as much his friends and family as we are his mentors"

Athos nodded his head shoing his understanding of what Treville was saying and placed his hat back on his head taking his leave of the Captain to go and seek out the Gascon.

 

He did not have to go very far to find d'Artagnan, in fact he was directed into the stables by one of the younger Musketeers who said d'Artagnan had bolted in there looking like he'd seen a ghost after he'd had a slap across the backside from Porthos who'd bested him once again.

Thanking the young man Athos followed after d'Artagnan into the darkened stalls where the horses were either sleeping or munching on oats, Roger popped his head over the salon door and received a scratch behind his ears from his beloved master.  
Going on down to the very end of the stalls Athos found d'Artagnan huddled against a wall panting as if he had run a mile and beating his fists bloody against the wall as he sobbed!.

"Jesus Christ d'Artagnan!" Athos cried rushing into the stall and tried to take d'Artagnan into his arms to stop him from doing anymore harm to himself but d'Artagnan reacted as if he'd been burned lunging away from him with a terrified cry! "d'Artagnan please I just want to help you!" Athos said his eyes wide with alarm 

"Can't!" d'Artagnan choked out clawing at the wall and thumping his head against it "No, no can't!"

"d'Artagnan!", Athos looked over his shoulder seriously thinking about going to get some help, alert a physician or someone who was better equipped to deal with this to aid d'Artagnan, but when he looked back at him, saw him clawing at his own hair with bloody hands he changed his mind and went to d'Artagnan pulling him into his arms and holding him close even as d'Artagnan struggled against him 

"It's alright you're safe" he soothed "It's just me no one else, it's all alright I promise"

"It's not" d'Artagnan whimpered "Never can be again!"

"d'Artagnan....I don't understand, what's wrong?" Athos asked at an utter loss as to what this was about or how to help d'Artagnan really "What happened to make you do this?"

"Nothing!" d'Artagnan stated shaking his head and pushing away from Athos gulping on his tears while trying to clam himself down "Nothing happened, you stopped it, everything is fine!"

"I stopped what?" Athos asked trying to reach out for d'Artagnan who flinched back from him again "d'Artagnan what............." suddenly it clicked, suddenly all this made sense and at the same time made Athos sick to his stomach, what he'd stopped, what had made d'Artagnan change so much, what was driving him into hysteria right now!  
"Oh God d'Artagnan" he whispered as he realized the horrible truth "I wasn't in time was I?" he said, it wasn't really a question he already knew the answer, knew it just by seeing the tears on d'Artagnan's pale cheeks, and his inability to make eye contact with him, the self loathing on his face that broke Athos's heart to see  
"I am so sorry" he said knowing it was a pointless saying that it changed nothing but didn't know what else to say "d'Artagnan why didn't you tell me?" he asked 

"Couldn't, the shame!" d'Artagnan whispered looking at his feet "I'm so pathetic!, so weak!"

"You are not!" Athos snapped reaching out and taking d'Artagnan's arms making him look up at him "You are not weak, you are not pathetic, you are none of the things you are thinking yourself to be!, you are still the same young man who burst in here months ago challenging me to a fight to the death!"

"I'm not!, I'm not!" d'Artagnan said shaking his head 

"Yes you are!" Athos insisted cupping d'Artagnan's chin "I know you may not believe this right now but I promise you that you are no less to me today than you were yesterday, the day before that and the weeks and months before that!, what Marsac did was his shame not yours!, he was the coward, the weak and pathetic coward, you are a fighter, a survivor and you will get through this"

"How can you know that?" d'Artagnan whispered brokenly 

"Because I'm going to help you" Athos stated "I'm going to help you get through this and put it behind you, starting right this moment you are not and will never be alone again".


	4. Chapter 4

Athos took d'Artagnan back to his own apartments in the Rue de Ferou wanting to give him some privacy where he could wash his face and collect himself without prying eyes.

"Sorry about the mess" Athos said regretting now the fact the bed sheets were more than a little past their washing day and there was left over wine bottles littering the floor along with his spare shirts and brais!.

d'Artagnan however seemed pay little mind to the mess as he kept his gaze down and seemed to huddle in on himself as if he were cold, the shadow his posture cast over his face only served to show how gaunt his features were becoming and how dark the circles about his eyes were.

"When was the last time you slept?" Athos asked his face creasing with concern 

"Don't remember" d'Artagnan said "I can't sleep, can't settle in that room...........everywhere I look all I see is...."

"Marsac" Athos sighed nodding his head "That makes sense, staying in that room is bound to make you keep reliving the.......assult", normally Athos was a man to whom decisions took time, something he spent days considering so he might weigh it up completely and make an informed decision rather than rush into something he might later regret, past experiance had taught him the value of this all to well.  
But at this moment Athos make a decision without giving it any thought at all.

"You can move in with me!", as soon as the words were out of his mouth Athos was a shocked as d'Artagnan!, but he quickly covered this by looking about the spartan rooms, "I can hang a curtain up and put a pallet down" he said pointing to the far side of the room, "That'll give us some privacy, and the fire place is good for boiling enough water to wash and for making toast and a small pot of porridge, I'm not much of a cook so I'm afraid I don't do much cooking", Athos cringed at his babbling but it seemed to be helping d'Artagnan to relax some, "Umm come on you need to rest" Athos said gesturing to the bed 

"I can't take your bed" d'Artagnan protested 

"You can and will" Athos replied "You are exhausted and need to sleep"

Biting his bottom lip d'Artagnan did as Athos said gingerly sitting on the bed and slowly took off his doublet looking down at his red raw bloody knuckles   
"I'll get some water and we'll clean them" Athos said pausing and sucking in his bottom lip bracing himself to ask a difficult question "Is there any.....should I fetch a physician?" he asked as delicately as he could while wishing he had Aramis's gift of the gab since this was so very difficult 

"Why?" d'Artagnan asked 

"To tend any.....residual injuries" Athos said grimancing as if the words left a bad taste in his mouth "If there is......tearing then it needs to be....seen to in case of infection", he hated having to ask this, having to make d'Artagnan think about it as it made him shrink in on himself all the more 

"The bleeding stopped after a few days" he whispered "I think........it's just........"

"What?" Athos asked kneeling down in front of him wanting to pull d'Artagnan into his arms and comfort him but knew that such contact was not welcome right now   
"d'Artagnan you can tell me anything, I want you to talk to me!, don't hold this inside anymore let me help you"

"It's embaressing" d'Artagnan whispered "The shame........"

"Is not yours, you have nothing to be ashamed of I asure you" Athos said taking a chance reaching out placing a hand on d'Artagnan's knee, the younger man flinched but didn't bolt   
instead he took several deep breaths and looked down into Athos's eyes 

"I'm sore" he admitted "It...hurts, more when I'm riding and..........releaving myself, and there has been some spots of blood"

"I see" Athos said rolling his lips "It doesn't sound too severe but I think a Doctor..."

"No!" d'Artagnan's response was immediate and intense "I can't have anyone.............not even a Physician, looking at and touching me, not there!, especially not there"

It wasn't a surprise that d'Artagnan didn't want anyone else touching him and looking at him where Marsac had violated him but Athos wasn't keen on letting this go untreated, if an infection set in then he could become dangerously ill, but he also didn't want to force d'Artagnan into something he didn't want to do, therefore there was only one option left available and it wasn't something he was going to undertake lightly

"Would you........I can look if you would rather me than a stranger" Athos offered at d'Artagnan's wide eyed look he held up his hands "I just want to be certain that there is no serious damage"

"Athos it's...."

"Nothing to be ashamed of" Athos said with a gentle smile "Yours won't be the first arse I've seen, half of Paris has seen Aramis's after one of his trysts went wrong and he had to leave a premesis in too much hurry to collect his breeches!"

The story served to make d'Artagnan laugh as Athos had hoped it would in fact recalling it even brought a smile to his face, God knows a half dressed Aramis running bare arsed through the streets was a sight that stayed with you!   
"On a serious note though I don't mind doing this if you would rather me than a Doctor" he said coming back to the subject, d'Artagnan bit his bottom lip his bloody knuckles curling as he griped the bed sheet before he slowly nodded his head in agreement   
"Alright" Athos said "I'll boil some water I still want to clean your hands too"

"Right" d'Artagnan said looking down at the bed 

"Just.....I haven't got a night shirt or anything but you can get under the covers" Athos said rising up and going to get water from the well in the courtyard to give d'Artagnan some privacy while he undressed and lay down in the bed.

 

It didn't take long for him to boil the water, or to clean d'Artagnan's hands which he carefully made sure were not seriously hurt and that no splinters remained in the breaks in his skin, partly he was so vigilant at this to delay the examination he had to give d'Artagnan  
"Alright are you ready?" he asked setting the bowl of water aside after washing his hands and taking a moment to get some oil to cover them in so as not to cause d'Artagnan any further pain 

"I guess" d'Artagnan whispered as he lay on his front on the bed his head turned to the side, he tense as Athos drew the bed cover back exposing his buttocks 

"Can you part your thighs?" Athos asked as gently as he could "And try to relax", silently d'Artagnan did so closing his eyes tight as Athos very gently probed a single finger between his buttocks to expose his hole and examin him both inside and out 

"Well I can't see any significant tears" Athos said "Except a small one right at....um it's more external than internal, I think a....salve may do the job there", gently he recovered d'Artagnan and again washed his hands "I think you're alright"

"Am I?" d'Artagnan asked curling up on his side "Will I ever be alright?"

"Yes!" Athos stated "You will be alright, you will heal, you just need to give yourself time, to rest and recover", smiling gently he lay a woolen blanket over d'Artagnan "You've been pushing yourself to continue on as normal instead of giving yourself a chance to rest and recupperate, thats what you need right now, and the rest...........will heal in time"

"How d'you know?" d'Artagnan asked in small voice 

"Because I felt like you do now after Anne betrayed me and killed Thomas" Athos said "I thought I would never feel anything but misery"

"And when did it change?"

"When you came charging into my life" Athos said with a smile as he tucked the blankets around d'Artagnan shoulders "You helped me remember that there was still hope in life, and happiness, that I could love again, and I'm going to do the same for you"

Had he not been so exhausted then d'Artagnan might have asked Athos what he meant about love, however he could no longer keep his eyes open and instead slipped into sleep while Athos watched over him.

 

 

Nightmares were one of the hardest things for d'Artagnan to deal with in the coming days and weeks, after his first night with Athos he refused to sleep in the bed anymore and instead took the pallet where he might catch a few uninterupted hours sleep until nightmares came to haunt him and left him crying out as he tossed and turned. 

Athos, a light sleeper was always with him quickly and awoke him, holding him if he burst into tears following the nightmare, listened to him when he wanted to talk, or simply guided him back to bed, his bed this time and would lay besides him as d'Artagnan slowly drifted back to sleep comforted by the reassuring presence of Athos at his side.

As his staying with Athos was most likly permanent d'Artagnan's belongings were collected from Constance's with Athos paying the last of d'Artagnan's rent and offering an explanation of shortage of funds as the reason he couldn't stay anymore.

Porthos, Aramis, and Treville however, they he couldn't lie to, and after speaking at length with d'Artagnan they were finally told of what had happened.

Aramis looked like he'd been punched in the stomach at the news of what his former friend had done, he clasped a hand over his mouth as if he were about to vomit his face draining of all colour "d'Artagnan" he whispered shaking his head "I'm so sorry, this..........it's all my fault"

"The hell it is!" Porthos snapped looking appauled "This is Marsacs fault not yours"

"Isn't it?" Aramis asked "I made d'Artagnan take him to Constance's, I made him keep quiet!, if not for me then none of this would have happened!" 

"Thats not true Aramis" Athos said 

"No it isn't" d'Artagnan whispered in agreement "I don't blame you, please don't blame yourself"

Aramis sighed shaking his head "How can I not?, what he did to you...........d'Artagnan........I don't know what to say to make this better!"

"There is nothing any of us can say" Treville said "But I can assure you that none of us think any the less of you for this d'Artagnan, you have nothing to be ashamed of", nodding his head d'Artagnan tried for a smile as best he could

"If theres anything we can do to help you need only ask" Porthos said 

"I wish I knew what to ask for" d'Artagnan said "I just.............I'd rather no one else....knew"

"Of course, this never leaves this room" Treville assured him "And if you need time off training...."

"I'd rather keep busy if thats alright Sir" d'Artagnan said "Keeping busy takes my mind off it"

"If you're sure" Treville said already planning to keep all missions within Paris for the time being so as not to push d'Artagnan too far "And if you would like I can arrange for you to have a room here", he'd have to keep it off the books but considering what d'Artagnan had been through that was the least he could do

"I...." d'Artagnan glanced at Athos who spoke up

"We're happy with the living arangements right now" he said 

"If you certain" Treville agreed 

"And anything I can do" Aramis said, while the others might say he wasn't responsable for this he wouldn't truely believe it or forgive himself for a long time to come

"Thank you Aramis" d'Artagnan said "All of you, I felt so alone, so..............broken, I didn't think I'd ever..........." he drew a breath and offered a smile "You give me hope that one day it will get better"

"It will" Athos promised him "You're not alone and we'll all help you however and whatever you need".

 

It wasn't easy, but having the others know did seem to help, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say, and d'Artagnan did feel that since he could now turn to Aramis, Porthos, and Treville aswell as Athos if and when he needed to. 

Slowly he began to feel better, found himself laughing at Porthos's jokes, enjoying food once more, even managing to sleep peacefully, though more so with Athos at his side.

In the weeks that past they gave up the pallet and just shared the bed, often spooning as their bodies migrated against each other in the night, a pleasent warmth and comfort to awaken to in the mornings.

Comfort was not all d'Artagnan was finding as he lay in Athos's arms warm and snug, while it seemed impossible he was actually feeling desire once more, something he'd thought he'd never feel again, and yet as time past he found himself wanting Athos more and more, something he was finding harder to fight and finally culminated in his placing a gentle but lingering kiss upon Athos one morning as they lay in bed. 

 

Awakening to being kissed was a wonderful way to wake up and Athos smiled happily as he stared into dark brown eyes   
"I hope you don't mind" d'Artagnan said "But I've wanted to do that for a while now"

"I don't mind in the least" Athos breathed "In fact I've been wanting to do that myself for some time too!"

d'Artagnan's eyes widdened and his mouth formed a surprised O at the revelation   
"I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to feel pressured" Athos said "And I don't want you to now either, so we don't have to do anything you're not ready for"

"I......I like kissing you" d'Artagnan said "I'd like to keep doing that" 

"Then thats what we'll do" Athos readily agreed freeing his arms from the sheets and cupping d'Artagnan's cheek kissing him this time slowly and gently "There is much we can do and we have plenty of time to enjoy it all, no need to rush anything"

d'Artagnan smiled and shifted closer to Athos so their kisses may become deeper happy right now and sure that in time they would come to do much more together, but right now as Athos said, there was no rush and there was plenty of time for them to have it all.

The End


End file.
